👋🏿 2018! You were Black as hell
Welcome to the thirty-first installment of This Black-Ass Life! For our last newsletter of 2018, we just wanted to share some of our favorite Black-Ass moments from this long-ass year. This list is definitely not exhaustive because who can keep track of it all? Can you believe that we had a World Cup, an Olympics, and Black Panther came out in 2018?? That’s how long this year has been. Thankfully melanin keeps us from aging through it, ain't it wonderful?
Don’t forget: All we want for the holidays is for you to forward this link to subscribe to five friends.
Fave political moments
Stacey Abrams brought international attention to GA’s fuckshit and election stealing. Her campaign left a legacy and we can’t wait to witness what’s next for this queen who also writes romance novels.
Stacey also inspired Andrew Gillum to fight for voters in Florida, but the real tearjerker was Florida Amendment 4. More than 1 million previously disenfranchised Floridians will now have the right to vote. This is HUGE, especially for Black people who are disproportionately arrested and incarcerated. (Don’t let them reverse it.)
AGAIN, BLACK WOMEN BODIED ELECTIONS THIS YEAR - from the 19 Black women who ran and won every 👏🏿 single 👏🏿 judge 👏🏿 seat 👏🏿 in 👏🏿Harris 👏🏿 County 👏🏿Texas to the NINE new Black Members of Congress who won in predominantly White districts. Black women were out to save themselves and in turn, saved the rest of America. The “historic” wave of Black women elected to Congress gave us much needed hope but we are especially proud of Lucy McBath who won GA-06. Her son Jordan Davis was murdered by a racist for playing music too loudly at a gas station in 2012, and she ran and won on gun control and racial justice. Our hearts overfloweth.
Fave sport moments
Simone Biles took two years off and then DOMINATED U.S. gymnastics in a way that hadn’t been done in over two decades.
Also, shouts to Serena for putting all of us on her shoulders as she fought for better. We are proud of you too, Naomi!
Fave pop culture moments
Black People got all of the awards in 2018. Jordan Peele won an Oscar. John Legend is the youngest to EGOT. Oprah shut it down at the Golden Globes. Lena Waithe made us cry. And so much more. Now we’re waiting on Black Panther to win some awards next. Quick note: The most important parts of that movie were Shuri, Okoye and the Dora Milaje, Winston Duke’s thighs, and the barks of the Jabari men.
Cardi B finding out she was Grammy nominated while leaving court is downright endearing. The best part is her asking “how many” because mama knows she deserves more than one.
This is not How expected to find out I’m nominated for a Grammy 😩😩😂I need a do over 🤦🏽♀️🤦🏽♀️😩 pic.twitter.com/aCt5WH6ZwZ
— iamcardib (@iamcardib) December 7, 2018
Monique challenged Lenard at the Breakfast Club, taught us what happens when you do clownery, declared her real love for us, asked us to make it make sense, and showed us how to request receipts. Queen of demanding her coins AND memes.
(We couldn’t give you a Monique gif because RACISM. Y'all, we think they blackballed Monique on giphy. Remember: injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.)
Michelle Obama had the best-selling book of the year and gave us wonderful interview after wonderful interview inspiring us all to be better.
It’s now confirmed Beyoncé Giselle Knowles-Carter is the best rapper out. She had the best verse on the otherwise forgettable “Top Off” and out-rapped Jay-Z on We Got Love. Happy to fight over this!
Quincy Jones stepped into his full grandpa-who-don’t-care-anymore self and decided to tell on EVERYBODY and then did it AGAIN immediately. He said Richard Pryor and Marlon Brando smashed, called the Beatles “no-playing motherfuckers,” and also called Sunkist Satan a “crazy mother fucker" who is "limited mentally — a megalomaniac, narcissistic."
Janelle Monáe made the album of the year (no matter who wins) and then reacted perfectly.
We’ve talked about Beyoncé, but we have to do it again because Beychella was IT. Read this and we want to remind you of this note we included in our newsletter from a friend & reader: “Beyoncé literally made White people bankroll a 2-hour performance that they had a shitty view of in the desert heat SPECIFICALLY FOR OUR VIEWING PLEASURE.”
Lastly, we celebrated the Queen of Soul, Aretha Franklin with a homegoing fit for royalty. She gave many memorable moments, but remember when she FAXED a five-year-old story correction?
A most perfect Queen. Rest in Peace, Aretha Louise.
Closing out with a text from a Black-Ass Mama
PUBLIC SERVICE ANNOUNCEMENT: To everyone over 25 going to they mama house without a partner, particularly African women, WE SEE YOU.
Because as y’all know, Black-Ass parents desperate for grandchildren are OUT.OF.CONTROL. Check out this unsolicited hook up from a Black ass Mama trying to set her baby and our anonymous reader up.
Stay Black, thrive, and have a Happy Black-Ass New Year! We’ll hit your inbox next on January 14.