Black-Ass Ball is Life
This has been a deliciously gossip-y basketball season.
Welcome to This Black-Ass Life! This week, we want to discuss what we’re choosing to fixate on as the world crumbles. For Jumoke it is The Secret Lives of Mormon Wives and for Mitu it is the men’s NBA playoffs, so we’re going to talk about the obviously Blacker one. Sorry, Wives!
l. The Conversation
This is one of the messiest seasons of basketball.
Jimmy Butler is passionate about four things: his kids, dominoes, coffee, and being paid what he understands he’s owed. Last summer, he became eligible for a two-year $113 million extension that the Heat did not offer him. So he simply stopped going to work until he forced a trade to the Warriors, which he helped get into the playoffs, past the play-in, and through the first round of the playoffs. Play-off Jimmy indeed! May you move with the “I won’t show up unless I’m being paid right” energy of 100 Jimmys Butler.
I (Mitu) am so sorry to bring men on microphones to your door, but here’s another wild story about Jimmy being about his paycheck. This time for the Wolves. This man wants to clock in, clock out, and receive an expected and on-time pay stub in between.
If Jimmy likes to call himself the Robin to Steph Curry’s Batman, then Dillon Brooks must be Bane because he essentially admitted to attacking Curry’s injured thumb as basketball strategy.
And playing The Joker is Draymond Green who was very frustrated about a reputation he cultivated that lends itself to refs being more likely to give him (sometimes admittedly unfair, especially in these playoffs!) techs. Apropos of nothing, if you search “Draymond Green technicals compilation,” approximately 7 trillion results appear. Here’s one.
Also in the West, a very busy Anthony Edwards (on the court and in court) walked the streets of LA after beating the Lakers in 5 and reminding the world his favorite movie is Matilda because it is a movie that shows “women are powerful.”
In the East, we have Donovan Mitchell, who allegedly did not even want to be a Cavalier, giggling and kicking his feet about going on tour with his alleged boo and TALENT, Coco Jones.
While the team that beat his advances in the playoffs, their underrated star still had to apologize for his dad. Tyrese Haliburton’s father (normal-sized man) tried to buck at THE Buck, Giannis Antetokounmpo (giant).
Tyrese did have a wonderful moment of grounding, clarity, and sense when he reminded the press that “it’s just basketball” and he’s lucky enough to “get paid a lot of money to play a child’s game.”
Another man in the East also made an ego-driven decision that threatened his wellbeing. Celtic legend Paul Pierce declared if the Celtics lost for a second time in a row at home, he would walk to work “15 miles. In my robe, no shoes on, barefoot ... put the house on this game.” So he suited up, got a DoorDash brand deal and a little help from underrated hottie/Celtic legend Kevin Garnett, and got to stepping!
One very happy camper at the Knicks series win? Spike Lee of course! Look how he showed up to Cannes.
In WNBA news, our home team, the Mystics are 2-0. This is a big deal! They beat the Suns (we were in the stands for last season’s home loss to that team) and they beat Brittney Griner’s The Dream which they’d just lost a pre-season game to!
Also, Angel Reese had to face haters and actual hate at the Fever home game opener. Indiana fans, may you get what you deserve for coming at that young woman like that!
Black-Ass Moments in Basketball History
1904: First Black basketball team formed! The Smart Set Athletic Club of Brooklyn is considered one of the first all-Black basketball teams in the U.S.
1950: NBA integration begins with Chuck Cooper (first Black player drafted), Nat “Sweetwater” Clifton (first to sign an NBA contract), and Earl Lloyd (first to play in an NBA game).
1975: Imagine our surprise at learning the Celtics, of all teams, were home to the first Black coach, Bill Russell, to win an NBA championship as coach.
1992: The Dream Team! Michael Jordan, Magic Johnson, and Charles Barkley, and the rest of the all-NBA men’s U.S. team redefined global basketball and showcased Black excellence on a global stage. They whooped ass AND did it fashionably.
1996: WNBA Founded! How incredible is it that we get to live in a world with Sheryl Swoopes, Lisa Leslie, and Dawn Staley? U.S. Women’s Basketball has also exclusively won Olympic gold since NINETEEN NINETY SIX. Behold this dominance:
II. Other Things
Black-ass happenings.
Leomie the beauty you are.
On the hardest working manager in the game.
Are y’all familiar with the several thousand dollar dating coach industry?
Ashley of Love is Blind breaks her silence on her divorce.
Ass song(s) of the week (Jumoke):
Gather ‘round YORUBAddies and Fuji Vibe
Things we look forward to / Things we recommend:
I (Jumoke) recommend getting enough sleep. Y’all sleeping good?
I (Mitu) recommend a lil hobby to get a lil too into. Like Jumoke with her Mormon Wives or me with my basketball players!
lll. Exhaustion from A Black-Ass Parent
This is a father who is J.Lo to the Disney parks. He has had ENOUGH.
Stay Black, have a snack, and take a nap today.