Black-Ass Crimmuh Movies
Welcome to This Black-Ass Life! We can’t remember if we’ve ever named a few of our favorite Black-ass Christmas movies for the newsletter so that’s what we’re doing because we are holiday movie connoisseurs. Also, this is our last newsletter before our holiday breaks so we’ll catch you in January!
I. The Facts
Here are ten Christmas movies that mean the world to us.
A Diva’s Christmas Carol is the best retelling of A Christmas Carol and anyone who disagrees can fight us! The star power alone in this masterpiece?! No competition.
You Can’t Fight Christmas is perhaps my (Mitu’s) favorite bad Christmas movie because of the lead, Leslie, who makes her money as a Christmas decorator at one hotel once a year. My (Jumoke's) sister walked out of my room during this movie because she’s a woman without taste.
Within the same universe and time of You Can’t Fight Christmas is Miss Me This Christmas which stars Erica Ash and Eva Marcille. This movie literally shares ENTIRE SCENES with You Can’t Fight Christmas. We assume both were filmed at the same time within a couple weeks.
The Merry Liddle Christmas series is evidence that Kelendria Trene Rowland is the most important filmmaker of our time. This movie series is one that works on Lifetime but would also be perfect on the silver screen.
Almost Christmas cemented our deep distrust of an anti-science anti-Beyoncé Keri Hilson. But this movie is bigger than her. This scene? Cinema!
Imagine a movie so electric that you root for The Preacher’s Wife to cheat on her husband by fucking an angel. That’s the magic of Christmas, babes!
Best Man Holiday is a movie I (Jumoke) saw in the theater with a bunch of other Blacks on my birthday, so perfect. I know it’s a little trite to compare Black people to hot cocoa, but there’s simply no way to describe the piping hot chocolateness that blessed our screen. Also, that serenade?!
This Christmas brings us Regina King as a true comedian and gives us romance between Mekhi Phifer and Sharon Leal.
Last Holiday is an anti-capitalist manifesto (shout out to Ariel for this interpretation!) with Queen Latifah and LL’s lips? Sign us up please!
The Perfect Holiday is another Queen Latifah joint where she plays an angel named Mrs. Christmas and Terrence Howard plays another angel inexplicably named Bah Humbug. It don’t make sense, but it also makes all the sense?
II. Other Things
Black-ass happenings.
May bell hooks rest in love. Read this on “reaching for bell hooks in darkness.”
Check out NPR’s 13 favorite romance novels of 2021. We can vouch for the majority of the books on this list and they are WONDERFUL.
The NLRB certified the first union at a U.S. Starbucks. Solidarity for the holidays!
Congratulations to Candace Parker and her growing family.
Shout out to Meg Thee Stallion’s Netflix deal. Hotties, are you ready??
What do y’all think Bey is up to on TikTok?
Our Black-Ass song(s) of the week (Mitu):
Few things make me laugh like the very dated but still great 8 Days of Christmas by Destiny’s Child.
Things we look forward to / don’t look forward to:
I (Jumoke) look forward to watching Succession and Insecure while doing my braids. I’ve avoided the internet for the last two months so both shows can get my undivided attention. Truly sad for y’all who will never know the joy of having your tv and movie selected pre-braiding session. #BlackGirlThriving
I (Mitu) look forward to a safe holiday with my parents who are driving to me for the first time. I am being trusted with hosting a holiday!
lll. Text from a Black-Ass Parent
My (Jumoke's) mother’s good morning texts are a cut above.
Stay Black, thrive and have a restful, safe holiday! We'll hit your inbox next year.