Grab your tinfoil silkwraps + get into these Black-Ass conspiracy theories
Welcome to the 46th installment of This Black-Ass Life. The world is a lot so we want to talk about Black-ass conspiracy theories instead. Continue reading to find out who Tupac has been hanging out with lately. Enjoy!
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l. The Facts
A few of our favorite Black-ass conspiracy theories of the past and present. All are ludicrous, some are hilarious, and some are just homophobia disguised as intrigue. Let’s jump in!
Remember when people thought Three6 Mafia declared Lucifer as their king? This is something I (Mitu) remember from vacation bible school. They’re doing this with Lil Nas X’s horses now.
Also there’s the theory that Dr. Sebi allegedly had the cure for HIV when all he did was at best, hurt people with his stupidity, and at worst, take advantage of the most vulnerable.
Some people believe Stevie Wonder can see. Bomani Jones is big in this and Chaka Khan stoked the fire a few weeks ago. Hmmmm.
Some also believe Nas wrote Will Smith’s classic: “Gettin’ Jiggy Wit It.”
Oh look! Homophobia. For several decades now, theories have ranged from the government making Black men gay to the government creating HIV/ AIDS to endanger Black men.
This is my (Jumoke) personal favorite conspiracy simply because of its longevity: Bey and Jay are in the Illuminati and Blue’s name actually stands for “Born Living Under Evil Illuminati’s Very Youngest”.
Speaking of Blue Ivy’s mama, how do you explain THIS, Bey? Ghost Tupac looks a little too cozy, hmmmmm.
Why does it matter?
All jokes aside, Black people's suspicion of the government is grounded in fact. Here is a very short list of some fucked up real shit that the U.S. government has **actually** done that you would think are conspiracies.
Secret chemical testing in a poor St. Louis neighborhood at the height of the Cold War that led to higher rates of cancers and cancer deaths.
Forcibly sterilizing undesirables (immigrants, Black and Brown people, Native people, poor people, unwed mothers, disabled people, the mentally ill) for DECADES.
Wild fact: by 1965, about one-third of all Puerto Rican mothers (ages 20 to 49) were forcibly sterilized by the U.S. government.
Subverting African American economic growth since ohhhh we don’t know, Jamestown.
Surveilling, infiltrating and working to destroy domestic political organizations, including many civil rights organizations. Remember all of the FBI tapes on MLK?
What can you do?
Keep your head on a swivel. Ultimately, Black folks have a right to be suspicious as hell of the government and EVERYTHING!
Also laugh because that Tupac and Bey picture sidelined us for at least 10 minutes of cackling.
Watch the iconic “Tupac is still alive” Chappelle Show sketch
ll. Other Things
Dear White women, please cut it out.
A White woman called two Black women just trying to enjoy happy hour the “n word.” Says she’d do it again.
Area White woman charged $100 for silk sleeping caps and Black Twitter handled business. Also her apology was dumb.
In case you haven’t seen it yet, this White woman/child murderess felt a higher calling to go to Uganda and practice surgery on children without any prior medical education or experience.
Somebody please check Speaker Pelosi because Rep. Omar ‘n’ ‘em are not just “four people.”
Speaking of, please watch Rep. Omar shut down this White woman’s Islamamophic question.
We want to end this on a positive note, so please take a look back at this iconic Lavender moment.
Love After Lockup Report:
The best show on T.V. We have one thought.
Lamar is FUNNY!
Our Black-Ass song(s) of the week (Mitu):
Come to help Lil Nas X break records, stay for BTS’ stank on this remix and the homi wordplay.
Things we are looking forward to / things we are not looking forward to:
I (Jumoke) look forward to you reading this incredible op-ed by former Black Obama appointees if you haven’t done so already. Proud to be a signer. Also, end this dystopian simulation.
I (Mitu) look forward to The Real Housewives of Potomac. I just started watching last season and these women (and their partners) DELIVER the drama.
lll. Text from a distressed Black-Ass Mama
Strongly suggest you click here to read the whole text thread.
Stay Black, thrive, and round up your homies and your homi’s. We’ll hit your inbox next on August 12.