Ranking Black-Ass Africa
Welcome to This Black-Ass Life! Thank you for your patience as we took a week off! We wanted to keep this week’s newsletter light and also controversial (?) with a Black-ass ranking of Africa. Please don’t be mad! #AllJollofsMatter (Mitu) #NigerianJollofMatters (Jumoke)
I. The Facts
A stream of conscious list of awards for a few countries in Africa:
Most likely to be named a scammer ALLEGEDLY and also be very entertaining: Nigerians are the best thing to happen to entertainment, from Nollywood to Netflix to 90 Day Fiancé.
Most likely to run up hills real good: Kenyans be winning!
Hottest inhabitants: We can’t actually rank this BUT have you ever seen an ugly person from Rwanda, Tanzania, The Republic of Sudan or The Republic of South Sudan? You haven’t.
Most likely to be mentioned by Drake in a song or personal journal entry: This is a tie between Ethiopians and Eritreans and no one really wins.
Most likely to claim best Jollof (Editor’s note from Jumoke: And be obviously wrong): Ghana, I (Mitu) support your right to keep making this tasty treat.
Waterfall worth chasing most: Zimbabwe and Zambia get to split this one with Victoria Falls.
Most likely to have their country’s name spelled incorrectly: Djibouti, we are so sorry for what elementary school must have been like if you lived in an English-speaking country.
Best acronym: Central African Republic - CAR!
Most likely to not let French Montana back in its land: Morocco, you do not have to answer for his actions!
Coolest hats: Enjoy the Herero hats in Namibia!
Most likely to inspire the question, “Hmm, what are they doing there?”: Tie between Lesotho and Eswatini. It is like having a country inside of Idaho. All love!
Most likely to inspire the question,“Hmm, what y’all doing over there?”: Madagascar, what are y’all up to? We love the movies!
Prettiest country name: Please don’t be mad at us, y’all, but how lovely is it to say Seychelles. Just brings a smile.
Best Steve Harvey fits: Republic of Congo. Look at these fits!
Most likely to hate bitches: The Whole Continent gets to split this “prize” because they successfully make it hard to be a woman anywhere. Congratulations!
II. Other Things
Black-ass happenings
We have an official Plan B video. Everybody say, “Thank you, Megan!”
Kaavia is the most important dancer of our time.
An ode to Black LGBTQ+ artists who deserve better from Black institutions like BET.
Shouts to Coco Jones. She’s an icon; she’s a legend; and she is the moment. Now come on now!
Follow Imani Barbarin, a fantastic Queer, Black, disabled writer and social commentator who will make you laugh and also get you and your (read: our) ableism together.
Yung Miami is a joy on screen. Real bad.
Our Black-Ass song(s) of the week (Jumoke):
Help, this silly song is stuck in my head! This one is a palate cleanser.
Things we look forward to / don't look forward to:
I (Jumoke) look forward to eating more food at my mama’s house this week.
I (Mitu) look forward to more Fast & Furious with Jumoke. I saw a potential spoiler that they go to space?? Please don’t tell us!
lll. Roast from a Black-Ass Baby
Roasted her up with a smile and fresh braids.
Stay Black, have a snack and take a nap today. We'll hit your inbox next on June 27.